How I learned to get a f*cking grip on my life


Over the last 12 months, I've spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself.

A few factors have contributed to this:

  1. My last business failed;
  2. I was unsure about what to do for a long time;
  3. I had little motivation and lacked a lot of confidence to find something new;
  4. When I finally made a decision, I doubted myself every day (and still do, just every other day now); and
  5. My savings have plummeted because I've not made any income for the last 12 months, so money insecurities consistently creep in.

To put it bluntly, all of this sucked.

I was lacking safety (personal + financial security) and esteem needs (self-respect and respect from others) on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

They contributed significantly to my lack of motivation for getting on with life.

Get a F*cking grip: How I got my life back on track in 3 Easy Steps (Ultimate Guide)

  1. Welcome to my extended pity party
  2. Time to get a grip
  3. The Building Blocks to Get a Grip on Yourself
  4. Take Responsibility
  5. Better Communication
  6. Get Stuff Done
  7. Quick Wins to Help you Get a Grip

Welcome to my extended pity party

“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.”
- Walter Anderson

Let's be clear about something - life isn't fair.

Shit happens and there will be stages in our lives when we face loss, challenges, and difficulties.

What I've learned is that it's ok to feel sorry for yourself when this happens.

It's ok to cry and be vulnerable.

We have feelings and preconceptions of how we want life to work out. When it doesn't, it hurts and we tend to beat ourselves up.

Unfortunately, that's just life.

However, at some stage, you have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get on with it. You need to get a grip on yourself.

Otherwise, you risk letting life pass you by in a blur of despair. When you come to the end of the road, you'll have nothing but regret for the life you could have lived.

I can say that now because I'm coming out of the other end of my extended pity party.

For 12 long months, however, that wasn't the case.

I was consumed with self-pity. I was sensitive, I lacked confidence and I was indecisive.

The funny thing is, I'd been here before.

13 years ago I was made redundant. At the time I was finishing my 2-year training contract and getting ready to qualify as a property lawyer. I was working at a well-established London-based law firm where I received a job offer 6 months after starting.

Two weeks before qualifying, I was told that the job was no longer available. The 2008 Credit Crunch had just started.

"What the fuck am I going to do now?" was the recurring thought going through my mind in the days after the decision.

As a qualified property lawyer, there were zero options available in the job market. The property industry was one of the worst affected by the Credit Crunch!

I ended up being out of work for 10 months before going back to the same firm.

During those 10 months, I spent a lot of time wallowing and questioning my decisions. I realized that my redundancy was no reflection of my abilities. It was a consequence of the times.

This time around was a little different.

While I couldn't control the impact of the pandemic, in hindsight I did make some really stupid decisions worthy of a separate blog post (watch this space!).

Needless to say, I placed the failure of my business at my feet.

I began questioning my abilities as an entrepreneur running my own business.

I was completely absorbed in this narrative. I dwelled on the consequences of some of the decisions I made while trying to rescue my failing business.

I became caught in a spiral of negative thinking, dwelling on past mistakes. Negativity Bias affected my judgment and made things harder than they were.

In short, I couldn't handle any more difficult situations. So I did my best to avoid all situations.

I went into isolation mode. I ignored emails and answering calls. I rarely replied to messages and distanced myself from friends, and even family.

In hindsight, I'd lost some control of my life. Not complete control, but enough to make me feel like I was walking a tightrope when I hate heights.

When you're stuck in this sort of mindset, it's difficult to gain perspective. You lose the opportunity to learn from your experience in a positive way.

Not having control of your life makes you relinquish responsibility. You give up on finding solutions and let go of achieving your life goals.

The tipping point came in February this year, the day my daughter was born. As soon as the nurse handed her to me, I knew I needed to sort my shit out.

It was time for me to get a grip on my life.

Time to Get a Grip

During my extended pity party, I maintained two consistencies:

  1. Staying healthy and working out. I could have descended into excessive drinking and binging on crap, but I knew that would make me feel worse. Working out and healthy eating has always been an anchor for me. They weren't something I was about to let go of because I was feeling sorry for myself.
  2. Reading and learning. I love personal development, listening to podcasts, and reading books. Over the last 12 months, I've learned how to play the guitar, speak Spanish and speed read. I've become a certified personal trainer. I've started a Youtube channel, this blog, and a newsletter. I've also started a performance coaching business.

One of the books I read was Get a F*cking Grip by Matthew Kimberley.

The lessons I learned in the book were the inspiration behind this post. They provided me with a blueprint to get my life back on track.

The Golden Rule

As you go through life, it's easy to get bogged down in the small stuff. You start to forget about the big important stuff - health, family, and relationships.

Sweating the small stuff distracts you from focusing on the big stuff. It takes up a lot of time and emotional energy.

Appreciating what you've got is the only way you can achieve fulfillment. If you're always striving for more, you'll never be happy.

From time to time, it pays to remind yourself how good you've got it and that everything is in fact ok.

Complete a life inventory and remind yourself that you have no reason to complain. 

It's ok to lower your expectations and be happy with less. Knowing how to say "I have enough" is the key to contentment and self-satisfaction.

More isn't always best. Focus on setting your own life parameters, not living up to people's expectations.

It's ok to lower your expectations and be happy with less. Knowing how to say "I have enough" is the key to contentment and self-satisfaction.

More isn't always best and you should focus on setting your own life parameters instead of living up to other people's expectations.

"Ambition is healthy, as long as it's your ambition."
- Matthew Kimberley

What does enough look like for you?

During my extended pity party, I did a good job of focusing on my health and personal growth.

When it came to friends + family, I was below par and lost sight of my relationships.

I realized that I was always striving for more. One of the main reasons my business failed was scaling too quickly. I over-extended to the point where I couldn't cope. This marked the beginning of the end.

It was time for me to re-assess what happiness and contentment looked like.

In order for me to get a grip, I needed to put in some hard work.

The Building Blocks for Sorting Yourself Out

To get a grip on yourself, you need to keep in mind three building blocks:

  1. Taking Responsibility;

2. Better Communication; and

3. Get Stuff Done.

Let's break these down.

Taking Responsibility

Shit happens and it happens to you. Everything is your fault and your responsibility.

Some people have it worse than others, and some people can get over things easier than others.

The people who get over shit when it happens are the ones that take responsibility. Blamers pass this responsibility on to someone else.

By taking responsibility, you're taking back control of a situation. This creates space for a solution to be found.

Start taking responsibility today and watch how your life changes.

  1. Give yourself permission

Stop waiting for people to say it's ok for you to do stuff.

Break the rules from time to time, and realise that you are in control of your own life.

Become your own authority and get on with whatever you want to get on with. The world will not stop for you.

The reason you're not doing what you want is that you know that everything has a consequence. This is the main thing that's holding you back!

If you don't try something you won't know if the consequences are worthwhile. Are you concerned about the consequences of your next big decision? Try this exercise to get some clarity and perspective before you take action.

Ask yourself permission and say yes - you'll be one step closer to getting a grip on your life.

2. Be Confident

I struggled with this for long periods over the last 12 months. The reality is that you have to believe in your own authority.

There is no good reason for a lack of self-confidence.

Unfortunately, we place our confidence in the hands of others. As a result, quite often our self-confidence comes from other people's confidence in us.

Are you going to let yourself lack confidence because of what other people think?

Look at it like this:

  • You don't know what other people are thinking; so
  • Stop making your place on earth relative to other people; and
  • Remind yourself that you rock. Every day.

Tell the rest of the world that you rock and fake it until you make it.

Building your self-confidence gains momentum through acts of repetition. Telling yourself (and the world) that you rock on a daily basis will help turn the perception into a reality.

It's taken me a long time to understand this.

Now, my confidence is building and I've started to feel more assured in who I am and what I'm doing.

3. Be Decisive

"Decisions are made when a confident person gives themselves permission to choose between two or more options."
- Matthew Kimberley

If you're struggling with making choices and find yourself procrastinating, limit your choices. Scale them down, make a decision, and don't look back.

I spent a lot of time procrastinating recently and it was getting me nowhere fast. But, when I start making small decisions, I gained momentum. I started taking more action.

Once you've made a decision, even if it turns out to be the wrong one, you will have another decision to make.

Don't leave things to fate because that way nothing gets done and you relinquish control of your life.

If you get stuck, here's a three-step process for making a decision:

  • Limit your choices. Say 'No', cut options down from 10 to 3.
  • Make a decision. This requires you to take a massive step and eliminates the rest of your options.
  • Never look back. Once you've made the decision, get on and make the next decision.

4. Stop making shit difficult

Keep It Simple Stupid
- US Navy principle

There is nothing you want to do that isn't simple. If you want proof of how simple anything is, write it down.

Don't mix up simple with easy.

Easy means something is achieved without effort. Simple means something is uncomplicated and easily understood, but it cannot be achieved without effort.

You can make simple things easy by getting out of your own way and limiting your choices. Reducing the decisions you have to make will help you avoid the paradox of choice. This makes it easier to decide and take action.

Watch your life unfold when you keep things simple.

5. Eliminate (or at least severely reduce) stress

Let's not dwell on this. You know that stress is bad for your health and mental wellbeing.

Unfortunately, we're exposed to different levels of stress on a daily basis. From work to family issues and health concerns.

Eliminating as much stress from your day-to-day life is important. Chronic stress can cause conditions like heart disease, anxiety disorders, and depression.

But, if you're feeling stressed on a regular basis, here are some suggestions to help manage that:

  • Regular exercise - Moving your body on a consistent basis helps. Studies show that regular exercise reduces stress and improves your mood.
  • Healthy diet - Diet affects every aspect of your health, including your mental health. Eating ultra-processed foods and added sugar increases stress levels. Minimizing these foods. Eat whole foods to ensure your body is nourished. This helps improve your resilience to stress.
  • Reduce caffeine intake - Too much coffee, tea, and energy drinks can impact your sleep. This may increase stress and anxiety symptoms. Coffee is healthy in moderation, but try to avoid large amounts of caffeine during the day.
  • Practice self-care - Forest-bathing, meditation, and journaling all contribute to lower levels of stress. Taking time for yourself is essential for a healthy life, and it doesn't have to be complicated.
  • Spend time with family + friends - Social support from family and friends can help with stress. A problem shared is a problem halved. Interacting with a social network is important for your mental wellbeing.

6. Man the F*ck Up!


It's that simple. No one cares, everything is your fault and you are to blame.

Once you accept this (See point 1 - Taking Responsibility), life becomes easier. That's what I've found.

There's nothing less attractive than the misery of others. Do you want to be a needy and negative friend? Or the self-sufficient superstar who appreciates that life is good anyway?

By complaining all the time, you're assuming that other people actually care. They don't, they have their own shit to deal with!

Don't get stuck in the spotlight effect. You are the center of your own world, not everybody else's. No one cares more about your shit than you do, so stop being selfish.

It's alright to talk about your problems with friends and family and try and resolve them. But don't wallow in them, it puts people off.

People want to be around action-oriented problem solvers, not self-absorbed energy-sucking vampires.

Man the fuck up.

If you're stuck in a cycle of complaints, try this 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment.

Better Communication

"Without relationships, we are dead to the world - or dead."
- Richard Koch

Dealing with people - friends, family, work colleagues - comes down to communication.

I'm not the greatest communicator - I'm more of a silent hermit. Especially over the last 12 months, when I cut myself off from friends and family.

During this time, I realised that identifying and investing in the right relationships is important. They add fulfillment and support to your life.

After identifying my most valuable relationships, I learned important lessons about communication.

These lessons are helping  me to rebuild those relationships:

  1. Treat your friends + family like they're dying

Because they are. We're all dying every day.

I gained real clarity around this in December 2020, a month dedicated to Memento Mori in The Daily Stoic.

I'd never spent any time contemplating death, my own, or any of my friends and family.

31 days of reading about the shortness of life and how death can come at any moment changed my thinking about life.

It made me appreciate what it means to be alive right now, in each moment. I'm grateful for the people in my life and the experiences I share with them.

I know that at any moment, we can leave life in the blink of an eye.

There's a cliche of living each day as if it were your last.

It helps from time to time because it makes you focus on all the good stuff in your life and not worry about the rest.

Unfortunately, living this way is unsustainable. You'd burn out from having too much fun, ALL THE TIME! It's also quite a selfish approach to life because the focus is all on you.

Yet, by living like everybody else's day is their last, you're on to a winner.

When people die, you think about the last interaction you had with them and all the things that you never got to say.

Imagine that your friends & family are only here for a fleeting moment. They won't be here tomorrow. How will that change the way you treat them?

If today was the last opportunity you have to see everyone you know and love, what would you say?

Take these thoughts and use them to change the way you treat your friends and family.

Start today.

By the way - it's ok to piss people off from time to time.

People are sensitive (see the section below). BUT - if you're pissing people off all the time, you need to check yourself and stop being a dick.

2. It’s not who you know, it’s how you treat them

Happiness doesn’t come from having lots of relationships.

It comes from cultivating and nurturing the right relationships.

A small number of our relationships account for a large proportion of our emotional value. These relationships need work.

The Village Theory

There's a limited number of meaningful relationships we can establish during our lifetime.

“The common pattern of people in any society is to have two vitally important childhood friends, two vital adult friends, and two ‘advisers’ whom we rely on heavily, such as a priest, doctor, or counselor. Typically there are also two powerful sexual partners who eclipse the others. Most commonly, we fall in love only once, and there is one member of our family whom we love above all others. The number of really significant personal relationships is low, and it is remarkably similar for everyone, regardless of their location, sophistication, or culture.”
- Richard Koch

The Village Theory models an African village. Relationships happen within a few hundred meters and develop over a short period of time.

We currently live in a Global Village. Our relationships have spread all over the planet and span our whole lifetime.

Yet, our capacity for building relationships is still limited. Too many close friends too early can exhaust your capacity for deep relationships.

That’s why it’s important to value the true relationships we have. The handful of friends and family that provide meaning and happiness in our lives.

We need to cultivate and invest in those relationships. They have a significant impact on how happy and successful you will be.

Unfortunately, most of us don’t spend enough time or give enough attention to our best friends.

During my pity party, I neglected my friends and family for the most part. Contact was at its smallest and hardly ever instigated by me. Over time, the calls and messages got less and less, and I can understand why.

What we make time for reflects the value we place on those things. I wasn’t making very little time for my relationships.

As I started to come out of my pity party, I had to figure out how to un-neglect my friends and family.

How do you do that?

The solution is simple - get in touch with the relationships that you value. Let them know that you’re thinking about them.


This was easier to do with family because, well, they’re family.

Friends are a different proposition and one that I’m still struggling with.

My approach so far has been to stick my head in the sand and not face the reality of the situation. I have guilt for neglecting them.

Unfortunately, that’s how relationships fizzle out.

If I’m getting a grip on my life then this is one of the hurdles that I have to overcome.

The action I should be taking is this:

  1. Pick up the phone, call a friend and ask them how they’re doing, and what’s going on.
  2. Find out how they’re doing; and
  3. Set a date for a follow-up.

These three steps will save all sinking relationships. Now I have to man the fuck up and take them!

Treat your friends and family well and they will treat you well.

(Note to self) Remember, treat them like they’re dying and they won’t be here tomorrow.

3. Don’t be so sensitive

The key to dealing with people is to remember that what they think isn’t important.

That might sound selfish, but it’s true (See Be Confident above).

Unless people tell you what they think, how do you know what they are thinking?

Your assessment of what people think about you is wrong, more often than if they are right. the only thing you can be 100% certain of is what you’re talking about.

You're unqualified to offer advice to yourself about what other people are thinking. So don’t focus on what you can’t control.

This is definitely where I have been falling down.

For a long time, I didn’t give a fuck what people thought about me.

During my extended pity party, this changed. I started to believe the narrative that, because I’d failed with my last business, people would see me as a failure.

The more I played this narrative out in my head, the more sensitive and withdrawn I became.

The reality was that no one, other than my family who was more concerned about my wellbeing, cared. They have their own shit to deal with.

What I realised is that you shouldn’t be so sensitive. Especially when you’re dealing with other people until you know what they are thinking.

Focus on you.

The only way you can find out what people are thinking is by asking them and they should tell you straight.

One thing to bear in mind with this approach is that people won’t always tell you the truth.

“We are driven by an intrinsic awareness of self-preservation so we will say things to adapt to a certain situation. We lie to be kind and to protect ourselves.”
- Matthew Kimberley

Don’t always expect the truth, otherwise, you will experience disappointment.

The opposite is also true for you in that you should say what you mean when you talk to people.

I’m as guilty as anyone when it comes to telling little white lies from time to time because I don’t want to offend people.

The better approach is to say what you mean, all the time, by practicing radical honesty. Be honest and direct with people.

My partner is amazing at this - she speaks her mind ALL THE TIME. As a consequence, her interaction with people is easier. There’s no ambiguity, she’s honest regardless of how it's received.

I have a lot to learn from her!

4. Stop using these words

Words are important.

The words we use and hear influence the way we act. They can spur us into action or inaction.

The words we use have the same effect.

I’ve learned that to be clear with your communication, you need to speak with conviction.

That’s why I’ve got rid of the following words from my vocabulary:

  • Should: When you say "I should" you won't. Stop saying “I should” and start using “I will” instead, which is far more definitive. Should is weak and Will is strong.
  • Shouldn't: “I shouldn’t” reinforces the status quo. It implies that you’re not prepared to face change, preferring stagnation instead.

    On rare occasions, using “I shouldn’t” is appropriate. Having that tenth beer on a night out or stuffing the fifth Krispy Kreme in your face.

    The large majority of times you use “I shouldn’t”, you’re pandering to conformity.

    Next time you're faced with using “I shouldn't”, ask yourself:

    1) Why shouldn't I?
    2) What's the worst-case scenario if I do?

    The worst case might be better than the current case. Your life might become easier when you skip normal social conventions.

    If you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always got.
  • What If: “What if” can sometimes be useful.

    But most of the time, “What if” is a precursor for not doing something. You’re already lining up the excuses in your head, so stop using it.

    Instead, do what you plan to do and if the worst-case scenario happens, say sorry. It's much easier to apologise than ask for permission
  • Sorry: I used to say sorry ALL THE TIME! It was a reflexive habit that I’m changing with awareness and effort.

    Apologising often throughout your day is unnecessary. There's no need to spend all day saying sorry. It says that you are not very confident.

    Ask yourself “What's the worst that can happen if I don't apologise?”. You’ll surprise yourself with the answer because quite often there isn’t much that will happen.

    Don't apologise unless you've fucked up, in which case apologise once, mean it, and move on.

5. The Secret to Communicating

We can all talk.

The secret to communication is listening.

When you communicate with friends and family, practice active listening. Take the time to answer. The better your communication, the deeper your connection.

A key to listening, which is often overlooked, is to ignore your phone. When you do spend quality time with friends and family, turn your phone off, put it on airplane mode or ignore it.

This works wonders if you want to engage in a conversation without distractions. It allows you to take a big step towards building deeper relationships.

I put these lessons into practice in June when I had a friend over from Australia.

It was the first time I’d seen him for 6 years and we had 24 hours together to catch up.

I wanted to engage in our catch-up. So I listened. I asked open questions. I left space for silence. More importantly, I left my phone alone the whole time I was with him.

Before leaving, he told me he had a great day and valued re-connecting.


Get Stuff Done

Action and Execution get shit done.

The big difference between knowing how to do something and doing it is taking action. MASSIVE. FUCKING. ACTION.

That’s how you get a grip.

Action and execution are the art of doing stuff. They are the difference between ‘Screw it let’s do it’ and sitting on the sofa binge-watching Netflix boxsets.

By taking action and doing the stuff you have to do, you can concentrate on the important stuff. The stuff you want to do.

For months, the stuff I was doing was working out and learning. This was great for maintaining my status quo at the time.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t getting me anywhere. I wasn’t taking any action or executing the stuff that I was learning!

“Knowledge Is power, but knowledge without action is useless.”
- The School of Knowledge

I took this simple 3 step process for taking action and doing stuff:

  1. Identify the stuff you need to do; and
  2. Work out which stuff needs to be done now, what can be done later, what can be done by other people, and what stuff doesn’t need doing at all;  then
  3. Just Do It.

If you get stuck at any stage, as I did, use this to take the smallest action possible to start doing stuff.

As I started taking action and doing stuff, extra considerations started popping up:

  1. Prioritizing

To manage your time and ensure the stuff that needs doing gets done, you need to get that stuff out of your head.

Start with a brain dump:

  • Take a few blank sheets of paper & a pen or open up a fresh Google doc;
  • Make a list of all the little things that need to be done right now;
  • Make a list of all the medium things that need to be done, the things that are less time-sensitive; and
  • Make a list of all of the big stuff - life plans and big goals - that need to be done. These are the important things that will take time to execute and won’t get done overnight.

This might take a couple of hours to complete. Once you’ve finished, you’ve got the first edition of your life plan, Life Plan 1.0.

You’ve also got an action plan of things that you can start doing right now by taking action and executing.

Make sure that you complete the small and medium stuff on your list on a daily or weekly basis.

Don’t let the big stuff daunt you. Break the big stuff into separate lists of smaller actions. As you complete the smaller action, they take you closer to completing the big stuff.

Rinse and repeat the steps you carried out during the brain dump.

At the end of each month, review your progress to see how you’re getting on with your stuff.

Look at how many tasks you’ve completed, missed tasks, and tasks that are no longer necessary. Also add new tasks, which cropped up while you were doing stuff, to your list.

Decide the small, medium, and big stuff that you want to focus on next month and go again.

Take action, execute, and get stuff done.

Over time, as you keep getting stuff done, Life Plan 1.0 turns into Life Plan 2.0, 3.0, and so on.

As you get more stuff done, you gain more control. The small and medium stuff becomes easier and you start achieving the big stuff.

You focus more on what’s important and, with each action you create a life that you are happy with.

2. Analysis Paralysis

After you’ve completed your first brain dump, there’s a good chance that you will overthink the stuff you need to get done.

I’m definitely guilty of this. I love taking a brain dump, planning, and re-planning the task and actions that I need to take.

Trouble is, I often make something that’s really simple, super difficult by overthinking too much! I’m also wasting precious time that could be used to take action.

Overthinking kills your productivity.

There’s also a good chance that you’ll get trapped in the Paradox of Choice, where having too many options and decisions actually stresses you out.

You don’t have to consider every possible outcome on your list of things to do.

That’s just delaying the inevitable, which is getting on with doing the stuff in your Life Plan.

It's also an excuse to not do what you want or need to do. Make a decision. Then make another one and keep going.

Keep it simple, take action and start building momentum by getting stuff done.

If you get stuck the 2 Minute Rule has always helped me get started.

Here are some useful steps that you can take to avoid failing into analysis paralysis:

  • Eat an elephant one bite at a time. Break the small, medium, and big tasks or actions in your life plan down to the smallest steps that you can take right now. Identify what they are and get going.
  • Fuck perfect. Perfection is the older brother of analysis paralysis. You start doing stuff but won’t finish it because it's not perfect. Learn to make do by settling for good enough
  • Do less. Feeling overwhelmed? Cut back on the stuff you need to get done. That doesn’t mean stopping completely. It means cutting back and keeping things simple. Reclaim some downtime to help you re-focus.
  • Take longer over stuff. Most deadlines don't matter. What's the worst that will happen if it’s missed? I’m terrible with this. Setting deadlines for myself that I don’t end up sticking to. I set them to put a bit of pressure on myself to get stuff done. When you’re dealing with other people, don’t let them down if you have agreed to a deadline. Promise less, agree to less and you win more time instead.

3. Get out of bed

Sounds simple right?

In the past, I hated getting up in the mornings. I definitely avoided getting much done first thing!

I launched my first business while working a 9 to 5 and I realized that things had to change.

I slowly started to develop a morning routine that sets me up for the rest of the day and I’ve never looked back since.

Now, the morning is my friend and when I get my most important work done.

The lesson?

Get out of bed earlier and make the most of the day.

Getting up early allows you to indulge in the stuff you want to do rather than the stuff you have to do.

In my case, it’s working out, meditating, journaling, reading, and getting some of my big important stuff done to move me closer to my goals.

Start by setting the alarm half an hour earlier than you normally wake up. When it goes off, get up and out of bed (almost) immediately. Don’t hit that snooze button.

When you really need to get up, you rarely have difficulties. Think back to the early morning starts when you’re going on holiday - how many flights have you missed?

Make the simple intention of getting up early in the morning. Do whatever it takes, just get out of bed.

If you struggle to get out of bed, use Mel Robbins’ 5 Second Rule, which I found super useful.

Once you’re up, you might be thinking “What do I do next?”. Look at your life plan and choose one of the big important tasks to work on.

Workout. Learn. Or just sit in silence and reflect on the day ahead or what happened yesterday.

I used the 20/20/20 Formula when I first started my morning routine and it has evolved from there.

4. Ask for help + Outsource

I’m terrible at asking for help. That’s one thing I am trying to improve.

In general, pride stops you from asking for help because you believe that you’re enough.

“Don't be ashamed of needing help. You have a duty to fulfill just like a soldier on the wall of battle. So what if you are injured and can't climb up without another soldier's help?”
- Marcus Aurelius

You never know when you’re about to face a difficult challenge that you can’t overcome. Instead of beating yourself up, try asking yourself whether you need some help.

Asking for help is super valuable. It can be the difference between overcoming something difficult or giving up.

I’d rather overcome with some help. That’s where growth occurs and you build deeper relationships

Don’t be so proud and realise that you can’t always do things on your own. Ask friends and family for help when you need it (note to self!).

But, outsourcing is something that I’ve become accustomed to over the years.

From working with secretaries and juniors when I was a property lawyer to outsourcing tasks and services in my businesses.

Outsourcing enables you to focus on the important stuff, the cool shit in life, whatever that cool shit is.

Ironing, cleaning, and shopping are not cool shit.

I’ve had a cleaner, my shirts washed and ironed and had someone do all the shopping. I’ve also done them myself (and still do from time to time).

If there’s stuff you don’t want to do and you have the resources not to do them, - start outsourcing to get more shit done.

Make sure you delegate to third parties, not friends and family.

When friends and family help you, they do so out of kindness. They might take care of your cleaning and shopping from time to time when you’re in a bind. But that’s not their responsibility, it’s yours.

Outsourcing to a third party creates space to spend with the people that are important to you.

As I write, finances are preventing me from outsourcing mundane tasks. This might be the same case for you.

Once finances are available, I’ll be outsourcing cleaning, shopping, and other simple tasks.

The resources are in you - you just have to allocate them properly.

Look at it like this - If there was a job that you couldn't do yourself you'd find the finances somewhere to get it done.

The most important resource we have in life is time. Money allows us to free up more time so make sure that you allocate both wisely.

5. Do Something or Do Nothing

Once you have created your life plan, you only have two choices - do something to execute your plan, or do nothing.

During my extended pity party, this was a big stumbling block for me. I got caught between doing something and doing nothing.

I had a list of all the things I wanted to get on with and when it came down to it, I couldn’t be fucked.

After a while, I realised that I needed to stop putting shit off and do it if I was going to fulfill my life plan.

That’s where the 2 Minute Rule helped me take action and get shit done.

In January, I gradually started to get on with stuff. I picked one thing to do each day, and I just did it.

I started to repeat this habit every day and over time, started to build some momentum. I kept reminding myself that the goal each day was 1% progress.

That’s 7% progress a week, 30% progress a month, and 365% progress a year. Compounded.

Once I was making 1% progress consistently, I looked into how I could make that 1% more productive so that stuff wouldn’t pile up.

The bottom line is this - if you want to execute your life plan you have to start doing stuff and evolve from there. Over time, you learn how to do stuff better, become more effective and execute some elements of the plan quicker.

The alternative is doing nothing and only you can decide what has to get done and what doesn’t.

There’s a bunch of stuff you don’t need to do. You don’t need to stay fit and healthy, you don’t need to be organised. You don’t even need a life plan.

But be honest with yourself. Is that really what you want - not to do things?

You are responsible for yourself unless you live with someone else or have kids, in which case your responsibilities are broader and always a priority as far as they are concerned.

My daughter arrived in February and since then, I’ve had to redefine what’s important to me. Doing nothing is not an option. I have to do something, if not for me, then definitely for her.

Doing things that aren’t immediately enjoyable now enables you to focus on the big important things that are important.

That’s the approach I’m taking right now and it’s very much a work in progress. I know the upsides to take this approach far outweigh the downsides.

I get shit done. Every day.

It’s also ok to do whatever it is you’re doing right now if you’re happy with that - whether that’s doing something or doing nothing. Everyone’s life plan is different.

Mine involves getting shit done so that I can live my life plan.